TOOLS... a kitten, an orgy, a flying pig and John Howard

 

 

John; the monkey-like president, emerges from the small chapel.  He has been grieving the death of George; the former president.  (Paul and Ringo stand for succession.)  His wife peers from the tinted passenger window of a black jet as he stumbles up the stone path toward the vehicle.  She smiles, (ever-so-slightly evily) as he slides across her into the 'middle seat'. 

 

Oh; he is a sexy man. 

 

"Uyuyeyah; what now, Jeanette?"  He asks; the clown-like warble still fresh in his otherwise ageing voice. 

"We will do what we do every day."  She answers flatly, sick of the routine.  "Try to take over the world!"

"That's a mighty swell idea: I must meet with my cabinet!  Igor!  To the bat-cave!"  Igor, the pilot, taxis the jet around the corner to a cave (which just so happens to be the house of reps car park).  John leaps from the, (still moving) vehicle in a display of manly heroicness, he rolls across the floor, (almost putting out his back) and lands before a wooden cabinet.  (Yes.  'THE' cabinet.  Am so lame).  He opens it, salivating in excitement.  Within the cabinet is a piece of paper. 

"It is time, yeupyeup!" He says, desicively.

"You can't be serious, Johnny!"  Says Jeanette, almost in a whisper.  "They aren't ready, they couldn't handle it!"

"But it's the truth, they can always handle the truth."

"No it isn't."

"That is an unfortunate coincidence that I am currently unaware of.  Yeup."

"Oh; your so bad."

 

 

* * two days later * *

 

 

John turns on the TV.   [red lights flash] There is a news reporter in a very stylish blue tie and very little else.  Jeanette glares at John icily and changes the channel away from 'sexy male politicians: up-late!'.  There is another news reporter.  He is wearing clothes and stuff.  (Said 'stuff' resembles blue egg white.  You've seen it.)  He speaks... 

"All hail the father!  FATHER JOHN!  We love the father and bless him.  Once more he is out to save our country, this time through the complete extermination of those scum known as kittens.  When I first heard of their foul ways I suggested pigs might fly.  Shortly after that suggestion one of the president's winged pigs flew to the station and delivered evidence that CAN'T be disbelieved.  [Image appears on screen, as reporter describes] Here is a picture of every cat in Australia involved in a mass orgy.  It is not a close up of microscopic ant-eater fleas dancing the macarena, or of Kim Beazley's left eyelid.  Praise be; the father."

 

John turns to Jeanette and gives her a seductive smirk.  NO!!  That wasn't John!  Only one man can smirk like that!!!  Peter Costello tore apart his John Howard costume and laughed evily:

"hahahahahah!" 

He lunged towards Jeanette.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"  She Cried...