12 tips that might improve your life

(if you use them, and they end up improving your life)

1. Smile even though teh dick in front of you isn't moving fast enough, and laugh inwardly when he falls over.  Let's face it, it will waste more effort than it's worth to confront teh prat, and if you laugh outwardly, there's every chance he'll turn around and punch you.
2. Dance often and at length, especially when you are in public.  You may scare people, but chances are that they will smile and that's probably worth it.  Most people do enjoy seeing losers dancing in public; know that someone has to be that loser, and if no one else is going to, it might as well be you.
3. Never be afraid to fall into meaningless babble while trying to prove a point.  While people complain that they don't understand what you are on about, if you had to move into meaningless babble, chances are that you don't either.  If you don't understand what you are on about, then teh person that you are talking to won't, even before you begin to babble, and as such teh lapse is no issue.
4. Don't take teh above idea to mean that you should dig yourself holes.  Digging is a strenuous labour, and people will generally think less of you for it.  How much does that kind of manual work earn anyway?  If your meaningless babble is teh result of teh digging of a hole, (or teh strengthening of a ridiculous idea) then drop it.
5. Don't stand by something as faith-truth just because you said it.  People are changeable and you are no exception.  If you are wrong don't deny it.  Accept that while you're just about there, you don't quite know everything.  Of course; if it's not important, or no one confronts you; say nothing.  People will still think that you are kewle so long as they don't realise, so pray for that.  In teh same way; if someone else is wrong and it's not important, say nothing.  Realise that you are sometimes wrong, and you pray for teh same courtesy. 
6. Don't quit while you are ahead. because really there is no such thing.  If you do get ahead, strap yourself onto teh donkey, and keep on going; if you quit you'll fall behind, and it will be a long time getting back up there again.  However, (and this is especially useful for tip #4...and for going teh wrong way in a race) do quit while you aren't quite so far behind as you might be if you keep going.
7. Spell the 't-e-h' to add spice to life.  However, be sure to pronounce it correctly.  People will inwardly, (arguably, also outwardly) question your intelligence if you say "teh".
8. After buying something relatively expensive, don't look around other shops for teh same thing just to see if it's "on sale".  Chances are it will be on sale, and it will just make you feel bad, and even if it isn't, what have you gained?  You've wasted a few hours of your life, and irritated those shopping with you.
9. Look for teh good in everyone.  Life will get really depressing if you don't.  Always try to find something good, regardless of how meaningless it is when compared to teh bad because otherwise you may start to hate people, and in turn, to be hated: that's never kewle.
10. Don't piss people off.  Generally speaking it's not particularly good for you.  By that; piss people off on a low-level, but stop at an appropriate time.  If you don't know when to stop, then don't piss people off: that's when it becomes unhealthy.
11. Find time to dress up like a pirate.  I don't think that needs elaboration.
12. Eat pizza.  Pizza is often underestimated, but you will find that it is one of teh greatest material treasures that this world has to offer.  That and deodorant.
13. Always forward emails.  Otherwise you will be cursed to live forever as 'teh person who didn't forward teh email'.  That could be shattering to your career.  Alternately; you could take heed of tip #10.  How many abusive emails did you get last time you sent a forward?