Football. (Or as the slightly more loserish types like to call it *soccer*).
Great sport. Very great sport. Why is this? Red-Carding. The people that invented
football, (or the whole Red-Card dilly) knew how to control the players. It's pretty
simple;
incorrect conduct = Red-Card = have to get off the field
(NOTE. I assume it is that simple. I have never found within myself the correct amount
of interest in the game to find out.)
Here at Neon-Trojan, we believe that the world should have simple, straight-forward
rules like this. Of course, simply introducing a Red-Card rule would never work, I
mean, if America is happy enough to ignore the UN, they're probably just as willing to ignore
some dick with a coloured piece of paper. No, this would need careful consideration and implementation.
That is why Neon-Trojan offers a unique, funky, alternative and completely
viable way to solve foreign affairs. If a country commits serious crimes against humanity, is really, really
evil, or goes into war with a country because they might have something that could be a threat and, even though the
UN rules against it, they act like spoiled space-cowboys, and do it anyway... they will be 'Red-Carded'.
The Red-Cards will come in different shades to account for the various degrees
of the not-cool things that countries may do. For instance, if a country broadcasts video footage of their evil dictator-leader
waving his/her bare rear-end about evily, singing 'when will I see you again?', (or something equality
taunting to the secret services of other countries) then the leader in question may be issued a Pink-Card, meaning
that they will have to write out lines, (something like; 'I will not be an evil, taunting dictator' fifty times)
and to attend remedial therapy to get over his/her evilness.
[Here at Neon-Trojan, we are all about rehabilitation.]
Sadly, however, there are times when this isn't simple. Where two countries are at war, they will each
recieve a Red-Card. The heads of the countries, and the rest of their deck, (re.
'Iraqi most wanted' and 'American War-Heroes' decks of playing cards) will be locked in rooms with their respective
card-partner, (eg. the 9 of diamonds in the Iraqi deck will be placed with the corresponding 9 of diamonds in the American deck) and made to remain until the issue is resolved. In the meantime,
enormous bubbles will be placed over the countries that they come from,
(supplying food, water, happy music and positive phrases throughout the interior) and they, (the
country) will be excluded from world-wide decisions, summits et. al.
Lads, Ladies; I'm sure that you have all experienced a stage during which you wished you could just make an entire country,
(namely America) shut up. Here at Neon-Trojan, we are all for censorship of this level (;
This is why we suggest the introduction of a program akin to that which we have above proposed.
Neon-Trojan ...paving the way to a more ...happy tomorrow.